The Great Puddifoot Scheme
by undesirablenumber1
Summary: Ron has a sneaky little game to play at Madam Puddifoot's. One-shot. Disclaimer: I own nothing.


Clothed in a thick sheet of picturesquely fluffy snow, the cottages and shops of the Hogsmeade High Street were teeming with enthusiastic Hogwarts students. The children, all swaddled in heavy coats and scarves, bustled in and out of the shops, most often returning with handfuls of Fizzing Whizzbees or Nose-Biting Teacups. Hogsmeade was particularly busy today, but it felt oddly empty for Ron and Hermione, as Harry was not accompanying them.

"How d'you think Harry is with Cho?" Ron snorted at the thought of Harry on his first date, then shoveled a fistful of Pepper Imps into his mouth.

"Well, I wouldn't say he's the _best _with girls. Perhaps he can carry a conversation for 45 seconds." Hermione gave a chuckle.

"Wouldn't bet on it. Where should we go now? Everywhere looks packed. Everyone's…_in _packs." said Ron thickly through a mouthful of sweets. Ron noticed there were mainly packs of two. Couples…

"Let's just…keep walking." Hermione looked both determined and exasperated.

"What's wrong Hermione? D'you want to be here with someone? Like be here with someone like Harry is here with someone?" Ron frowned.

"Ron, don't be silly. I'm here with you. I'm having loads of fun, you're my best friend." And with those words, she swung her arm over his shoulder and continued walking.

_That's all I'm ever going to be, her bloody best friend. Uurururghgghgh! Ah, but she _does _have her arm around me. That's actually quite nice. _

Walking up a side road, they came to a stuffy little tea shop. Swirly gold writing indicated it as Madam Puddifoot's. Ron had never been.

"Should we get some tea? This place doesn't look too crowded. I've never been here, but Lavender was talking about it the other day, she said it was quite cute." The word "cute" dripped with the sarcasm Hermione only used when talking about her girlishly overexcited roommates.

"As long as I can get some food. The Imps are out." Ron frowned at the empty packet of sweets.

Hermione grabbed his forearm and led him into the shop, foggy with pink smoke and carrying an uncomfortable humidity. Golden cherubs tossed confetti over the small tables, all holding two people and two people only. Ron noticed frills, bows, and lots of kissing.

_Why is everyone kissing? Oh bloody hell, why is everyone kissing? She certainly doesn't want to kiss me! Does she? Is that why she took me here? No, she didn't know anything about this place! What on earth am I supposed to do? KISS HER?_

Hermione looked baffled- she clearly did not know the general idea of Madam Puddifoot's either. Ron did not know if this relieved or upset him. Madam Puddifoot and her sleek black bun showed them to a cramped corner of the tea shop and a cherub showered them with confetti. Ron plucked a pink shred off of his coat and wedged himself onto a frilly stool.

"What'll it be today, m'dears?" asked Madam Puddifoot.

"Just some tea for me." Hermione said.

"The same." Ron muttered, not making eye contact with anyone.

"Oh dearies, lighten up! It's nearly Valentine's Day!" Madam Puddifoot's face exploded into a devious grin, and she forcefully plunked Ron's hand on top of Hermione's. She skipped away. Hermione burst into a fit of giggles when she had left, and Ron was soon infected with the same laughter.

Catching her breath, Hermione spoke again. "Oh my God, everyone in here thinks we're a couple, right?" She smiled. Ron hoped it wasn't for the wrong reasons.

"Oh, without a doubt. How about we give them a laugh and pretend?" Ron had sly intentions and was fully set on milking this moment if Hermione agreed. She burst into laughter and nodded, her face still ablaze with a beam.

"Sweetheart, here's our tea. You like a bit of honey in yours, don't you?" Ron took a cup of tea from Madam Puddifoot's tray and handed it to Hermione with a nauseatingly sweet smile.

"He knows me so well! Nothing I wouldn't expect from this little charmer." Hermione touched a gentle finger to Ron's nose and beamed up at Madam Puddifoot, who seemed to be melting at the sight of such pure young love.

"I _do _know everything about her. Know everything and love everything!" Ron raised his eyebrows and lovingly placed a hand on Hermione's cheek, which immediately blushed pink. This was evidently too much for Madam Puddifoot to handle. She had stifled an overjoyed gasp and raced away.

"You're quite good at this, you know." Hermione scooped a cube from the sugar bowl in the middle of them and plopped it into her tea.

"I haven't any idea what you're talking about, m'lady." Ron blew into his tea and took a sip.

"Neither have I. Look here, Madam Puddifoot's brought biscuits for the young lovers!" She plucked one from the tray and held it in front of Ron's mouth.

_I love this game and I love myself for cooking it up. Hermione is feeding me a bloody biscuit, and I don't care how fake it is. It's still happening, right? God, she's lovely. _

Blushing pinker than ever, Hermione sipped her tea and took Ron's hand.

"You certainly are a wonderful, charming, delightful boyfriend, Ronald." She began rubbing her finger over his rough knuckles.

"And you certainly are a beautiful, enchanting, charismatic girlfriend." He grasped for the soppiest words he could.

_Was that too far? I did just tell her she was beautiful. Girls like that, right? Not from their best friend, do they? But she is. Beautiful, I mean._

"Thank you very much," she waved her hands and mockingly bowed, "but I'm afraid my tea's gone cold. D'you want to get out of here, sweetheart?"

"Absolutely." Ron held out his arm and Hermione clutched it. They strolled out of the cramped shop together, passed a confused-looking Harry and a weeping Cho, and arrived back on the snowy streets. Hermione was holding him closely, her arm looped around his and squeezed tight. Ron rubbed his hand up and down her arm, trying to warm her from the cold winds. She snuggled her head into the crook of his neck, and they walked.

_When the bloody hell does this game end?_


End file.
